As I meet with coaching clients the first thing I always tell them is that the process is very much an internal one – filled with many questions. I want to share a few questions I often ask as well as what I typically hear in response to those questions. One of the first questions I ask is, ‘Finish this thought: I have always wanted to…”

The answers I get to this question do vary quite a bit. I get answers like fireman, doctor, professional athlete, auto mechanic and so on. Though the initial answer varies, I always ask why. When I ask why, I start to hear similar answers. I had a client tell me they wanted to be a professional athlete, so of course I asked, why? After an in depth discussion here is the answer I heard, ‘so others would recognize a talent I had and I would feel a sense of value to others.’

This opened a great discussion about how my client felt little acceptance and value as a young child and adult. Being a professional athlete, with any degree of success, would mean they would feel accepted and valued by others. There is a great connection to the new career and life my client wants. This allowed us to go deeper into why they wanted to change their career and life.

We were able to uncover a foundational truth about not only their life, but anyone’s life, career or business. The reason you want to do anything, or make changes to your life must be because it truly is a passion and gives you a purpose. It should never be because you want to prove your value or gain the acceptance of family, friends or anyone else for that matter. Never do something to prove your value or worth to others.

As I said, I ask many questions in the coaching process. The next two questions I ask go hand in hand with the first one I shared. I ask everyone to describe their perfect life. This includes family, geographical location, a specific house, cars, friends they want, career goals and so on. Again, I get a very wide variety of answers to this question, but the follow-up question is where the rubber meets the road.

What is the one thing you think is holding you back from achieving your picture perfect life? Is it fear of failure? Is it lack of talent or skill? Is it certain negative people in your life? Is it fear of success? Many times I hear ‘fear of failure’ as the answer to what they think is holding them back. This opens the door wide to so many other questions and we go deeper.

I continue with the following questions to help determine the specific reason for their fear of failure. Is it the fear that if you fail, you will lose money or possessions? Is if fear that if you fail, what will family or friends think of you? Is it the fear that if you fail, your parents or family will be disappointed? Is it the fear that if you fail you will not gain acceptance and feel valued by others?

By answering the questions I mentioned above you can uncover some truly important things about yourself. This allows you to make that specific plan to overcome the things in your life which may be holding you back from achieving your picture perfect life, career or business.

Ask yourself the following questions. What is the one thing you always wanted to do? Why? What is the one thing holding you back from your picture perfect life?